so relatively fucked.

i am standing by myself right now.

and there's no one to blame for it.

i can't be heart broken that no one can understand.

i don't want anyone to have to have walked down this steep mountain to be able to understand.

but i'm just tired of being alone resulting in being lonely.

i'm always trying to shy away from the fact that things aren't okay.

putting on hello kitty earrings and doodling hearts as i always have.

because no one knows what to do.

and i'm a million times more lost.

i'm sending out a smoke signal in the fog of tonight.

to no one in particular.

regardless, it won't be answered.

and with that, i will admit that i am not okay.

i am tired of panic attacks and ibs attacks.

being strong is overrated and exhausting.

i'll be okay eventually.

but right now i am just looking up at the first snow in october waiting for this to all make sense.

Creature Fear

this is the face of someone who doesn't want to be here anymore.

here being montreal.

here being with you.

in this last name.

in this marathon of catch up.

in this category of second best.

in this rut of what's next.

i don't know the answers to everything.

and that's fine with me.

but i just need you to understand that.

the anniversary to her scott hunter.

miss you, sister of mine.

don't let the darkness eat you up.

time to be what i've been avoiding.