i caught myself.

yes, that is a paramore song that is also on the twilight soundtrack and i stand by that being my music suggestion.

that and sleeping lessons

i look up quilt blankets and find the quilt of culture clusters that is new york city.

clapping hands minus a thumb.

i am so excited!

(i also got a txt from kaarlie saying that i got my partner card. don't worry. a picture will be taken once it is in my grasps)

i skipped my first class today on the count of it is a waste of time.

i just wish that it WASN'T a waste of time.

i wish that i would feel challenged by people's passion and feel this love for it but i don't and it leaves me completely unmotivated.

i know that there are passionate people out there in whatever i want to do.

it's just that i have always been given and given myself the title of creative arts.

pretty glove-fitting. and now it just feels like a soaking mitt: uncomfortable and unpleasant.

regardless, i skipped after being up since 3 and still wanting to sleep.

my matress whore self ignored my alarm. meh. i'll give her a break.

i then eventually biked to my bus stop; leaving my bike by terry's restaurant (yes, that is what it's called).

when all of a sudden this guy (i'm assuming terry) asks me questions about where i work, why i wasn't wearing socks, expressing his worries for my feet saying that it will make my stomach cold come winter time (?), and then asking me when i was going to pick it up and assuring me he was going to guard it.

so it's either that he stole my bike or he is going to rape me at my return.

(which in the possibility of the second one, i immediately txtd my friend as to have a witness).

i then started heading towards my old high school to do some volunteering. because, y'know, i am a kiss ass that way. but in all seriousness, i have never felt closer to an angelina jolie in my entire life. all these little rugrats pouring out of the corners pointing and screaming my name, giving me hugs and what not left me feeling ridiculously spoiled. after spending lunch hours just getting the cheers and what not, i entered my MAIN class from last year where the kids (jagger in particular) had the hardest time sitting still. half of them cheated and stood up to hug me during the class. i spoke with the teacher, lied about planing on going into teaching, told her about my upcoming trip to new york, overviewed the class as i had once done 4 months ago, and was left with an invite to come back whenever. i think it's fair to say she has my tuesdays.

i then spent all of last period with my second mom having her burst and build up my bubble about moving out giving me the most helpful tutorial to the roommate and questions that i have to ask (and will ask). ridiculously helpful. i also decided that i believe i may get a cherry blossom tattoo in her honour down the line because she is just beyond fantastic. but that's between you and me.

she then drove me to longueil metro with kristen who treated me to the best asian italian pizza at a dollar a slice accompanied with stories of i love u, babes and craig's list. this girl is always great company.

i then ran to my heart (starbucks. i'm just going to call it my heart at this point because i am 51% convinced that if i was to go to a doctor and he was to give me a heart exam, it would both have massive espresso overstock and a picture of this starbucks and staff.), saw mike who shunned me for having no life, spoke to jen about the fantastic bar life weekend that she had, got a free drink, and cosied up in this corner working on my blog and little else (even though i did have a list and good intensions in mind).

even though i was planning on taking the boons bus out at 7:10, gay erik came in, pulled a table next to me, and needs to talk over a con panna. thus, 10:10 it is...

i have to go and work on mr.ampersand homework.

the silver-trimmed and love sponge,

mtb.

statue of liberty on two hands and steady on none.

i didn't like today as a general summary.
i decided my outtings in new york with kaarlie and had a good time tipsy with one of my old friends at 3 brasseurs.
other than that, when the buzz wore off everything else sank in and i ended up hating this blog.
mostly my fault. hating what i've done in between posts, things i've mentioned, things i've dodged.
and as of right now, i don't know my escape route.
one thing i do know is that there is one.
which is something that i wouldn't have been able to see four months down the line.
maybe even 1 month.
so in this case, i leave you with nothing.
because i'm starting to believe that this is how i should have left this blog.
i should have just picked up a diary instead.

no sign off.


now for the optimist!

after drinks, i went to my starbucks and saw the bitchface accompanied by my present flirtation. he judged my name for the tardif and judged my bank card. i couldn't help but find him adorable but was too buzzed from having not eaten a thing that day but a yogurt that morning. i also saw erik drawing album art, this girl named catherine in a lovely cardigan who also works there, and bleeker who's actually named steven.

kaarlie is great.

kati is great.

joel is great.

greg is cool.

jacqueline is great.

and i realize i take that for granted.

white lied pocket stuffers.

i was talking to kaarlie about some of the noobs that have arrived at our work. one of them is an extreme introvert and she was explaining her body language and how this girl had her hands in her pockets displaying that she was hiding something. well here's to hiding:

it was my great friend jill and a-bit-more-than-an-acquaintance tash's conjoined birthday last night.

even though i had work, i quickly changed into a high-waisted skirt, re-did my face, and headed to montreal. i met up with another one of my best friends brandae who was going to be my company for the night. neither of us took the time to really look into what metro stop it was at so instead... we walked for 45 minutes. when we got to the club (tonic, by the way), everyone was good and drunk... except us. and this wouldn't bother me if it wasn't a club that required such intoxication to enjoy the atmosphere. especially seeing as karl wolff was playing that night (the guy who sang the remake to africa and has a chick-like bottom lip piercing)

the drinks were ridiculously priced at 11 for 2. that kind of talk would make someone require a drink. so with the lack of leaving, cheaper drinks or more money, after getting the birthday girl a shot, we suck on two smirnoff ices and wait.

until one of my friends erin starts puking. seeing as everyone is all giggles and spilling drinks, brandae and i walk her to the hotel in the company of this fowl thing who just so happens to be the person who fired me at my first job (let the record stand after 12 jobs, that was the only one i fired at. so in. your. face.)

after that we walk back to the club where i receive an entire drink all along my back while entering, followed by karl wolff teaching us two words in his native language for twenty minutes, saying bye to the birthday girls, and then being picked up by my brandae's boyfriend.

yes, this is the same couple as previously mentioned.

the boyfriend giving us a ride decides to ask my friend if she wants to go to his brother's place for his birthday. she turns to me and says

"do you mind?"

well let's see.... it's two o'clock in the morning. we just spent the night taking care of a drunk (not to mention the other drunk that we found in the staircase on the way to coat check). i also tried dancing but you had me warm the bench next to you because you had heartburn and missed your boyfriend. both of us have to be up by before nine tomorrow. i have no other lift anywhere and i am crashing at your place.

"not at all."

though, i do have to thank her for asking me. so we start driving to find out that he has both had four drinks AND is high. let it be known that i had a conversation with someone THIS WEEK pointing out how fucking stupid that was and how it's inexcussible. i would not have gotten into this person's car knowing that he was. by the time he mentioned it, we were on our way back to her house. which also leads me to mention that it took us thirty minutes to get there only the realise that everyone was in bed because oh... i don't know... it was almost 3 o'clock in the morning! so we get to her house around four o'clock. she passes me pjs, asks when i need to get up, and when i look up to say goodnight, her father's room door in closed with screamo music on. that's it that's all.

i get myself up at 7 oclock the next morning and see myself out.

i get to bonaventure where there only appears to be my bus passing in the next 2 hours.

eff my life number 1.

so i walk around montreal underground, chill in a deserted mall, get some starbucks from my usual, and return back to bonaventure. i run into vj at this point (a darling boy who looks up to me and makes my head inflate to galaxy size). i start talking to him about all that i hate and all i saw and lived that day and night where he returned the favour. waiting for my bus, we realise that there is the 100 bus twice. one for st-catherine (where i live).... and one for la prairie.

guess which one i was waiting for?

you guessed it.

la flippin'-off prairie.

eff my life number 2.

so by this point i had killed two hours for nothing, had no clue WHEN my bus was going to come, was tired, impatient, and restless.

so by this i put on the "fuck it i'm getting breakfast" attitude and headed to what i know best: starbucks.

and this is when my day turned around.

i love my people there!

there was my love at first sight gay eric, farjid from france (who i had been served by earlier that day), and mike (who was the man who told me to watch the south park episode with the jonas brothers). so i was given my first drink by these lovely gentlemen:

(which judging by how well i know kaarlie she will try and guess it and will guess right.)

they gave it to me in a venti which made me extra happy!

this also caused to want to stand by their counter for the next two and a half hours. which. i did. i ended up singing moulin rouge with farjid, complimenting him on his gorgeous mousse all the while cleaning his spoons under the water tap because it was convinient, not to mention speaking in beautiful french with him and adoring his cute little cardigan and superheroe tshirt that he wore later on.

eric and i spoke of concerts, mourned the loss that was the sufjan stevens concert in montreal that had sold out in 30 minutes, gave him my full name for facebook purposes, invited him to vampire weekend next week, spent his 15 minute break (on his request :D) with him analysing music and concerts, and the sweet boy even let me go on the internet on his itouch even after he went on floor! i also mentioned to him that i was considering transfering and he let me know who i should talk to about it.

next was phil (also known as eric's best friend). this guy had come in later during the day but was such a doll all the same. he was telling me his glasses were fake, we teased farjid for having tried to have a customer admit a song about 911 and shooting themselves existed, along with him elaborating more on his soon to be model career with ford miami that eric had told me about earlier. he was easily one of the more intimidating baristas because he looked like a cullen family member. so i'm glad i got him under my belt.

SPEAKING OF UNDER THE BELT! mike. you are so cool. this guy has been on my radar since the jo broz concert where i earned my first free starbucks drink as well as a good south park episode suggestion. but he is simply hysterics. first of all, he has a half sleeve. which seems very complex and from what i could gather from the tips of his polo he had an atom and a skeleton of a fish. he also has a heart on the back of his opposite arm, his parents' names on the wrists, and is planning on getting a cow tattoo on the inside of his right arm because he has this crazy deeper meaning about things and he is also vegetarian. i wasn't paying attention to his whole speech because i was just so contented with talking to him. i also convinced him not to take this girl's advice about having the caramel swirl cinnabon treat (that i had found out hours earlier through vj contains 1,130 calories. death, please. please.), told him about my coffee seminar that i am excited about where he then mocked me for and called me a "southshore-er". he complimented me on my perfect english and french which made me blush when he called me "one of those". traded tv faves such as myth busters, the office (which we both agreed was too easy), how i met your mother, and he rambled about some world war two mystery show. i also had to defend my mention of "how it's made". he asked me about when i was vegan and vegetarian, talked about his hatred for the venti moka frappucinos lights, encouraged me to transfer and move to montreal, laughed when i called one of the girls in the berets that worked there a bitch face, told noob horror stories; all wrapped into witty expressions and laughs. step out of the way, boorista (who has a boogrlfriend, ps.)

i also guided a customer through the starbuck's teas (berryblossom white (which was also the one i was sipping on)) and stock and was asked repeatedly if i worked there to which the staff eventually answered: "not yet!". they all were lost when i said i worked on the south shore. that usually happens.

can i say it again? that i love it there? because i do!

i need to painfully go out with this crew.

ERIC, add me! you gotz to get me in this club.

after much help from saima, she checked my buses and i was home by 2. where i then collapsed from 4 to 7 and now here i am after a good meal. this is going to be another busy week which i hope goes smoothly.

also: as of midnight, i will be able to count the days i go to new york on my two hands.

unreal.

(that's central park. this little thing i will be seeing in eleven days.)

with the change of course, i bid you goodnight and hope to receive those "good luck" wishes for staying in the school i have come to spite.

SPECIAL THANKIES TO:

-starbucks district staff for not disappointing. i will see you soon.

- vijay for keeping me together this morning.

- kaarlie for dealing with my crying at work and a great hug.

- selesse for txting me puking updates last night to give me a pda distraction.

now.... to get back to this mess.

the via loathing,

mtb.

i just saw this in the adds.

of youtube.

you know what happened the last time rihanna dropped it low? SHE GOT K-O BY HER BOYFRIEND. that boii ain't gonna love ya love ya love ya love ya kiss kiss kiss forever, ri ri.

category 1 hurricane at the plaza?

i found out a couple of things today:

- i spell rifle (or as i had been spelling it "riffle") wrong

- i don't have to update any of my friends about my life goings on now that they know i have this blog.

- i remembered that i have nude models tomorrow in diva class.

- my friend sasha only doodles pregnant women, kites, or pregnant women holding kites.

- that i am really tired.

- i miss making zines.

- i am waiting on something.

whenever i feel something monumentous is about to happen, i can feel it in the air and life around me. almost as if i can see rainclouds that can either bring on a hurricane or a rainbow kind of a deal. that's what i started feeling today. with two weeks away from new york city (holy schnikerdoodle), i can't help but believe this will either end, start, or mold something for it. i felt this way before osheaga this year and the experience ended up turning me sane agian. so it can't be anything less than marvelous... or so i would like to believe.

imma let you finish, mr.hudson.

because sounds get stuck in your head.

and because i wonder what will come of him once he dies.

all ending with a picture of eloise.

in other words: me as a five year old animation.

mtb.

barnacle goose and puqe jus.

i was told tonight that i could have been a damn good shift lead, i talked to justine from film about marilyn manson and rob zombie, missed

another class, installed a mental reward program for school, started fighting my emotional carousel patterns, ran into an old friend at

school, made hallowe'en plans, talked with a girl from indigo and drew this.

i am emotionally bored of no boys. i realized i went from too little to too much. and i'll probably end up repeating that.

i just want something great in that department.

i also got an inbox from kaarlie about an apartment in montreal. i'll be looking more at it later.

sleepy. bye, no readers.

the only song i could listen to today without getting on my own nerves:

Born Ruffians - Barnacle Goose

" we have plans to make plans "

mtb.

p.s: new york in two weeks. crazy shit.

not-so lamebook.

it's official. it's interresting how things reached this point today. i didn't go to school this morning on a count of utter fatigue (no sleep) combined a horrible cold that i have no time to have die this week. so i realized seeing as my film class would be a joke, i would skip it. did, had something assigned, no biggie. i had gotten all dolled and professionally dressed for a visit to my old high school (also known as the place that i worked at last year meaning staff, students, and judging eyes.). as i txtd my second mom (whom which i was going to hijack her life and be her company) she told me she was at a workshop.... as i was on the bus there. so i said screw it, took the bus to longueil metro while txting my contact list to try and make plans instead of very depressingly making my way to the boons less than an hour after my departure. finally, kaarlie was free so we met at dawson college, where i saw jillian, talked about her sex column in the plant, took two plant copies, ran into a couple of people (which is crazy seeing as i saw no one i knew when i actually WENT to that school), met kaarlie, and of course we headed to starbucks.

we got there, exchanged stories of our present circumstances, then spoke about new york once again and how we both wanted to go. conviniently, she had her mac tucked in her espresso -coloured case in her bag so using sbux's wifi, we not only booked our hostel (Jazz on the Park), calling work for the days off (yay horrible schedule for the next 3 weeks to get those days off!), followed by us going to get the bus tickets and FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!

isn't it gorgeous? she has her father's eyes.

after that, we talked about outtings there, what we would pack slash do during those total 15 hours travel time and got so bubbly and would end every sentence with "oh. and we are going to new york." SPEAKING OF OUTTINGS....

mhm. i know. i would want to be me, too. mission accomplished. kaarlz and i are going to get fakies to be able to get into the 21 and over show (and you know..... the bars, clubs, etc. BECAUSE IT'S NEW YORK!)

i suppose the countdown should begin!

i have been doing a lot of daily ramble these days and thought i would shake it up by posting a piece i wrote recently.

You're Left

i was told i have a vinegar face.

when all i want to do is weep.

but the drops fall from above my head and back.

i stop the moans to tell you to put your hand on my chest.

"you feel that?" i asked between the strums of my heart.

i knew by that look on your face that you couldn't answer yes.

i picked up the pieces of me you spread along the floor;

saying farewell out of politesse and patronism

for your inability to get it.

up i went through that street

soaking of stranger's cologne and leftovers.

something i never wished to be; what is left.

passing by the lantern-lit homes,

i the love-ridden woe

praying i played my cards right

even though i cheated the last hand.

stalled, i dosed off;

dreaming of who i should be smelling of.

wishing i was who they were thinking of.

but as the light seaped through,

that's when i knew

there could never be a you and me.

a you with me.

just me.

on a much happier note: i don't know if you've heard but.... i'm going to new york!

your new york goer,

mtb.

under the iron fist of keane's perfect symmetry.

it's times and concerts like this when i know that music has saved, made, and changed a lot of me over the years.

and KEANE was one of the BEST demonstrations of this.

(The day pre-concert was beyond gutter horrible. but let's not take away from the magic, shall we?)

I arrive at Metropolis as the line was going in and thank god for my good friend Brandae who was already in line. We piled in, got bag check, as i leaped towards the front of the stage and landed fourth row.

MUSIC LESSON

KEANE: a band that consists of the composer, bassist, but more formally known by his magic fingers on the piano Mr. Tim Rice-Oxley, Richard Hughes on guitar (whom I made eye contact with more than one but we will get to that) and of course the oh-so-talented and oh-so-handsome lead singer Tom Chaplin (I'd Chap that Lin if you catch my drift). To make things better (y'know... their fantastic music, etc, etc.) they have accents. BRITISH accents.

So you can understand the excitement.

So by now I had gone to the merch corner and picked from the leftovers of the tour and ended up with the official Keane World Tour booklet and an organic oversized (but not really) tshirt (i will keep the price tags to myself).

so now we found ourselves playing "catch up" as we were waiting for the show to begin. almost right on time, it did.

First opening act: Lindi Ortega.

this girl was just a doll. she was talking about how she wanted crazy fans like keane (who wouldn't really) and how she wishes she could influence a bunch of people to eventually wear red cowboy boots and flowers in their hair like she was wearing that night. in between her soulful country accoustic mixes (more dolly parton possibilities here), she also invited the entire metropolis for burriots and free hugs. so i can't argue there. on any other night where my excitement couldn't be distracted, i may have just hoe-downed. i resorted to severe swaying and she didn't seen to complain when me made i contact a couple of times (and a smile. ka-ching!) i just have one favour to ask of you, lindi...

once that was done, brandae & i continued with the tales of our lives as i was threatnening to kill people who were trying to cut in line at the concert (a no-no to me.). after the homicides receded, the next act arrived on stage.

round 2: LIGHTS.

or as her mom calls her when she is mad, Valerie Poxleitner accompanied by adam and a drummer named ed who has odd drumming faces (blowing out a candle, chewing gum, head tilt, etc.) I know what you are thinking: YOUTUBE SENSATION. yup. that she is. but, i knew saviour by heart. so i can't say anything. she is a pretty girl who gets my addiction to the fringe. besides her relentless self promotion with her upcoming album, it was a fine performance. the lil' kiddies that came with glow sticks and their adult sibling or guardian were very pleased with it. she did have the pipes (which i was surprised) combined with her slighly lesbian stature that gave her an edge, it was fine.

BUT NOTHING COULD PREPARE THEM FOR WHAT WAS COMING NEXT.

killed time, blablabla.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED.

THE SECOND BEST THING THAT I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE HIT THE STAGE. WHAT YOU MAY ASK?

that's what!

can we just take a minute and look at my hunk chaplin?

from the kicks to the lips that it's a european delight.

(not to mention the french that he was talking the entire night. ladies? ya hurr me!)

*focusing away from mr.britain and back to keane's excellence*

They opened with The Lovers Are Losing which was the PERFECT way to start. waves of hands soaring in the sky just set us up for what we were about to see.

Everybody's Changing came next which is CLASSIC Keane therefor a classic all around.

BEND AND BREAK was next which is every true Keane fan's favourite song (which I can honestly say has been mine since the first album came out).

this was then led by five solid minutes of cheers, chants, and applause for the band.

We Might As Well Be Strangers was next. this was the band's attempt to calm the audience down a bit. MISSION FAILED! strobe lights and hearts were blown to shreds!

This Is The Last Time was when the entire floor practiced their trampoline, tom chaplin leaped on boxes on stage, and we died. right there.

Spiralling omgspiralling! HE HAD THE AUDIENCE JOIN IN FOR THE "OU!" PART. if i could have framed songs with such terrific experiences, that would me the cover of the album.

Playing Along was played by my sweetie on ACCOUSTIC GUITAR. the crowd went apeshit afterwards which lead the band to stand on stage for another five minutes as we gave a major dose of tlc. it came to the point where i was just smiling from ear to ear laughing out of amazement at what three boys can do to a crowd full of people.

Try Again was my sob song this time last year when i had left school leaving me broken and disfunctional. so when they played it, a little part of me shined seeing the person i was then and how this song wasn't gloom for me anymore. halmark moment if you will. to me love, me.

the tears were over and the party was on!

Again and Again could/would/probably did cause heart attacks left and right. THIS IS WHEN THE MAGIC WAS MADE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

Nothing In My Way was the first song i memorized off of their second album and the first one that reached to me in the dark times of way back when. if tears would have come at some point, it would have been here. this is also when chaplin pounded the air with fists leaving the air k-oed with us on his tail.

this was soon followed by soverignt line cafe which was introduced with soulamte #87 on the accoustic guitar once more. this is also a new song (meaning a fourth cd is coming out!). i love the taste of this next album. bravo.

Is It Any Wonder that Keane played this song and it was amazing? IT WAS EXPECTED AND DELIVERED.

You Don't See Me is my babe's favourite song as he declared last night. don't worry, pumpkin. we'll find a way to work around that.

my boii then talked about how much he loves canada's atmosphere and maple syrup (kidding. my man's got class.) which was followed by a segway tooooooooo

PERFECT SYMMETRY. it was everything and more than i expected out of the album titled track. this song ended with us singing along to the end chorus. the choir and my church was in session. and by god aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamen. this is MY new favourite song. (my tidbit here is that this song was one of the many times richie and i not only made i contact, BUT HE ACKNOWLEDGED MY BOUNCING AND DANCING WITH A SMILE AND HEAD NOD. COMBINATION POINTS!)

this was then tagged along bu the old school song that every person in pop culture and any culture knew BY HEART which was of course

Somewhere Only We Know.

he took the mic, stand, and all, stood on a box, and had the audience chant. that's my guy.

*sigh* now comes my FAVOURITE part in this entire thing.

Crystal Ball

strike everything i said about being able to provoke tears. THIS ONE PROVOKED, CALLED, AND GAINED THEM. i've always loved this song and chaplin did as well seeing as not only did he collapse on the stage TWICE because we are so great but... after all the praying and wishing and time he had spent staring at the front row, he glanced upwards. annnd.... looked. into. my. eyes.

the wedding is on, guys. i'm thinking summer or fall ceremony. tim, richie, play somethin' nice at the reception, will ya?

on a sane note, THE PERFORMANCE OF THIS SONG WAS ANYTHING BUT.

the boys then left, did the whole "oh there is no encore what are you talking about" thing.

but obviously, with more chants, foot stomping, and stripping (i kid you not), they came back, took a teddy bear and canadian flag from the audience, placed it on the mic stand, said "tabarnak", and we were set for encores.

Atlantic, UNDER PRESSURE A LA KEANE, another solid five minutes of praise, and signing and singing out with Bedshaped (MEMORY LANE: I actually remember when i was trying to be good as a music listener and went onto their website where they had the first 30 seconds of this song and i listened to it over and over again waiting for the two other minutes to show up.) i think it's fair to say that i found those two other minutes.

and just like that, the second best night of my life was over.

i think it's needness to say that i will do almost anything to go and see them again live because they were world-shattering. the floor shifted in my life a bit afterwards as it always does. and i only have them to turn to with grattitude.

thank you, sweetie. wifey loves you.

sweet dreams.

mtb

it was so easy.

i spent my morning at starbucks for a meeting about the launch of via coffee (otherwise known as instant starbucks coffee). it is supposed to be the biggest thing since frappucinos. i see it as the biggest thing since crap. because it is. but don't tell my boss i said that.

right after the meeting, i hoped into scott's minivan (through the window like a badass i might add) with kaarlie and we went to mcdonald's (i had a piece of his hashbrown. sorry, arteries.). i really did have a great time which seems ridiculous seeing as that was the first hour and a half of my day. everything else wasn't favorable. i went to st-hubert mall complex downtown to get my film for my assignment. i then bused home with a baby crying for help from bonaventure to auto george gagne, got a new bike lock, and walked home. then worked on my photo assignment until it got dark which was then followed by me potentially ruining my film which i will not know until i get it developed. which is supposed to be done by monday. we are saturday night. i have work followed immediately by a concert tomorrow. also, i have editing from 8 to 11 on monday followed by my photo class at 11. i am the definition of doomed.

between the apertures and shutter speeds, i felt inadequate. my mother has been writing these messages all around the house in window markers saying things like "why do we just get along?" and "god will provide" over and over again. she makes me feel bad for working early when i can't work any other time and made those shifts to fit HER schedule. she told me the other day that i had a vinegar face. which i do nowadays because she doesn't bother paying for anything (i mean my food when SHE doesn't have any or my school supplies), and she decides to step in when her schedule or mood allows it. but she called me the cynic of the house and said things would be better if i gained a little perspective. the statement itself just makes me want to cry. i'm only cynical here because the only living thing happy to see me is my puppy when i am holding the leash or supper. i feel as though i have overstayed my welcome. my mother also got into the topic of her wanting companionship and how she was lonely. she then said that she wished my father would find someone else so he could just leave us alone. i then got hot-tempered (with good reason) saying that i would not wish my father or his behaviour and actions on anyone so i wish for him to dissolve. she then went back to the fact that she wanted someone there. i believe she even mentioned how the possibility of having a girlfriend didn't fancy her because she would feel safe and lighthearted with a man. i cannot tolerate my fifty-something year old mother having this conversation with me. yes, i am an adult. but i have been putting up with conversations of high impact since a young age. i still feel like that 10 year old who would hide in her mother's closet reading harry potter trying not to think of the taxes i knew had to be paid.

*sigh* i just wish that the empty space of my couch earlier tonight wasn't so empty.

i have to go. my nightmare's await.

hooked into the machine that is spektor's excellence.

so now that i am set up with the lady of the hour playing on my ipod, LET'S GET STARTED.

(bold parts = highlight moments mentioned in the last post)

after i had gone to coffee (at starbucks. duhz) with kaarlie, i met up with sasha (another starbucks partner member) at longueil metro. after teaching the innocent little sasha how to charge her metro card, we were off to metropolis. we got there at about 5:30 and we had been the first people to line up around the corner. the fact that the doors opened at 6:30, this was a dose of what was to be expected. soon after, we met up with one of my best friends jacqueline along accompanied with her friend sara. we had more people cut in line over time, the doors opened, and the excitement started to build itself. i sailed through the sky; skipping down the stairs to get FRONT ROW. that's right. right up front by the piano. i sense your jealousy. we then started shift rotations to get merchandise. this is when we came back, we became the venders to the rest of the crowd. stranger and indie stranger, they saw our amazing regina v-neck and asked us what else there was. mainly sara and i became the announcers for their amazing prices and selections (you're welcome, regina.) (they actually sold out of our v-necks that night.) (you're welcome again, reggie.)

once all that magic was done, r.s's opening band LITTLE JOY (more like BIG joy!) came on stage. They were pretty great i have to say! i wish i knew their songs because i made me want to be able to sing along without recreating the english language. it reminds me of hawain tunes combined with soft rock band leftovers. count on me to download their stuff. speaking of stuff:

my friend's and i spent a good song coming up with analogies to describe what was growing on this guy's upper lip.

but i will now shift topic selection away from pub-lookin'-facial hair.

between both sets, there was about an hour of wait. we spent our time chit chatting, sharing our praises for songs that we would hope she would play (summer in the city, dance anthem of the 80's, etc.). i also spent that time getting to know sara and asking her what she was planning on doing after highschool. all this while sasha was having a bit of a moment where she contemplated taking part in a homicide to get rid of the makeout mayhem that was happening between this couple right next to her. all this however was graciously interrupted by

she came on in this dress with her face plasted a thousand times (still not enough) and red heels. so new york. then i realised that i was partially blocked by her piano. but that did not even matter! i was in a relm of fantastic. SHE WAS PHENOMENAL! i will be honest, because of the fact that a lot of the songs were from the new album (that i lost in a rock, papper, scissors match with jacqueline), i didn't know most of the songs playing. but i was blown away like a kite during a storm. because hurricane regina was in town.

songs that i remember she played:

fidelity (obviously), on the radio (another give in), eet, the calculation, blue lips, folding chair, machine, laughing with, wallet, one more time with feeling, two birds, better (of course!), us (faaaaaaantastic.), samson (*sigh* one of the best moments in the entire night), that time (ON GUITAR!), a country song which could have turned me into a dolly parton fan it was so great, and one of the sickest things that i have ever seen in my life which is her playing poor little rich boy .

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER LIMBS WAS BUSY!

one foot on the pedal, vocals, one hand playing piano, one hand beating the chair drum to death, one foot firmly on the ground (well, actually, she was twisting it around as if she wasn't busy enough.) and of course her heart in the process of being taken away by MONTREAL. she also played the hilarious bobbing for apples.

i cannot explain just how musically gifted this lady is. the fact that she SOLD OUT metropolis (meaning the place was swarming with people), and yet at one point when she was playing on the piano, she had the ENTIRE VENUE GO DEAD SILENT, explains the magnitude and force of this girl's talent. just all around bravo, ms.spektor. she is also the sweetest thing in the world! she curved around her piano to apologize to us who didn't see her completely (of course i forgive you, reg-reg. the eventual eye contact made it all worth it). she also had two hardxcore adoring fans who came to bring her gifts (a bouquet of flowers (which because the guy who was handing them to her was right behind me, as she was approaching me, i simply thought she wanted to shake my hand or compliment me on my peacock feather headband.), as well as this girl who created a card of some kind. quite cool.

once the show was over with, we spent about 5 minutes in shock, and then spit up. sasha and i got our afterparty-on were hitting up a starbucks (my heart of a starbucks downtown more specifically) but on my way out i happened to have run into gay eric who works there! we shared a hug and compliments about the show and said we would see each other soon (which just so happened to have been 20 minutes later at that starbucks). some girl who had given me a free venti passion tea once (sabrina?) was working along with my boorista who proceeded to ask us if we were drunk (he has a girlfriend. the love is being put on hold). once we left our drinks in hand, we strolled our way down the street, told eachother hysterical stories about stunt tour buses, hugh heffner television shows, stripper costumes, and everything in between. we also decided that for the sake of our emo 13 year old selves, we are going to the used concert at metropolis in october (so excited).

after that, i took my bus back to the boons at 12:10, got home at one, and proceeded to wake up 3 hours later (to only get ill an hour afterwards and stay home to sleep and miss first period).

highlights not mentioned until now

Special thanks to flashlight (whom i will title the flash or flasher) who had a compact light and let me use it so i could find my bag), and mrs.claus who offered me my v-neck that had fallen out of my bag but as i realized later on also had a SECOND SHIRT WRAPPED IN IT. five finger discount, i suppose. another story i wanted to say was that when regina first went on guitar she wanted to adjust her microphone but couldn't so tech crew came to help her out. well, i had turned around when he had come on stage. so when i turned around i thought it was a crazy fan but was relieved to see he worked for metropolis. all this to say that i turned around to sara and sasha and said "whoa! i thought that was a crazy fan that jumped on stage!" and at this exact moment, there was one of those creepy moments where it goes silent for no reason which lead not only all those around me to laugh but the ENTIRE METROPOLIS. i was a venue laughing stock. still.... totally worth it because i found it kinda funny.

all these lovely memories to say that regina was fantastic and i hope to see her again, soon.

i now have to go and do an entire photo project. buuuuuut whatevz. i will just live in the euphoria of all the concerts to come.

- KEANE TOMORROW NIGHT.

- VAMPIRE WEEKEND OCTOBER 6TH. (SO JAZZED)

- JULIA NUNES OCTOBER 10TH IN NEW YORK CITY!!! (on the moon excited)

- THE USED OCTOBER 21st (gitty as a school girl)

- friendly fires december 3rd (cannot wait to see my man jack again)

- kanye west january 11th (i am still on the fence about this. it will definitely be up for discussion or commentary).

i'm off to go watch the boys and the girls watch each other eat at the meat market down the street.

otherwise known as: photo project.

take care.

mtb.

consequence of sounds coming from regina.

what i want to rant about while regina's new album is being downloaded on my computer:

REGINA WAS EXQUISITE.

i wanted to put this sweet woman in my pocket or on my shoulder so i can hear her mutter rising and falling notes with such perfection.

i have been to quite a handful on concerts and more particularly at the venue that is metropolis. But i have never ONCE seen the audience gone completely SILENT while a musician was singing. and you know who did that? REGINA. SPEKTOR. that's who.

details that will be cliff-hangers to explain later on: line up, venders, flashlight, makeout mayhem, apologies, bouquets, tech crew with laugh track, mystery santa, and the after party.

let's hope i remember all of this and what it means when i wake up for shool in *looks at time*

3 hours.

totally worth it.

BEAUTIFUL

goodnight you jiminy crickets and santa clauses.

the centered and silenced,

mtb.

popularity crash sights

i was working tonight with this girl from the starbucks that is 3 minutes walk from our starbucks. she makes me incredibly nervous because she is essentially shane from L word.

doesn't do her justice... BUT STILL.

for those less familiar with this show: the character of shane is essentially the straight girl's free ticket to lesbianism. And the girl i was working with tonight was most probably her sister. so you see my point.

ANYWAY.

i felt that even for a nervous cluts being in shane's company, i looked like ms.popular. EVERYONE came today:

- for here grande cappucino, grande coffee with carrott cake

- london fog from indigo

- sherri frapp

- sara, veronica, candice, jon, lise, red bag, AND genevieve from indigo.

- kaarlie came (and we talked not so briefly about things). i love that girl.

- AHMED CAME (the best person on this planet)

- and about TEN other people.

soo... if that doesn't put me in the good books with the shanester, i don't know what will.

(please sense my heterosexual-but-accepting sarcasm.)

ALSO! RANDOMLY PUT THIS SONG ON AND IT SEEMS TO BE FITTING.

i never never want to go home because i haven't got one anymore.

the smiths. claaaaaaaasic.

goodnight now. i have to pass out.

(shocking how a venti coffee, two fullsized energy drinks, and 2 shots of espresso can keep a girl going. LET'S HOPE IT WORKS FOR ME TOMORROW. AND THE DAY AFTER.)

crazily yours,

mtb.

P.S: regina spektacular tomorrow night!

i'll just unplug for today...

here comes the day where you feel the turn "f&*( my life" isn't enough describe the utter fury that you have directed towards all if not all factors of this day.

i do have to say that spending three hours in intro to film and video was brutal. spending thirty minutes of that time talking bands with my newly-aquainted concert junkie of a partner was probably the highlight of my day.

from then on, i was running around trying to find a school newspaper that doesn't exist, a teacher to get an assignment where she was not at school nor was she answering my e-mails, trying to print out a waste of time yoga assignment that became just that, going home, supposed to meet up with a best friend about me living with her during the month of october ONE on ONE, where at the last minute... she invited her boyfriend. uncool. so i unplugged that trifecta situation of awkwardness before it need go any further. i then tried to print out my yoga assignment at home which after tears of anguish, it worked. i broomed my CARPETED BEDROOM because my mother wasn't answering her phone thus i could not ask for the location of the vacuum (after much research), told my dog repeatedly to stop barking... but to no avail. listened to daylight by matt & kim on repeat to the point where it became the annoying song in my head, contemplated if i was going to still attend a kanye west concert after the whole "taylor swift" bashing incident, and watched one tree hill in hopes of putting me in a better mood. exhibit a & b proving: fail.

*random thing i just did*

it;s times like these where the topic of loneliness come to mind. i find it quite exasperating. no one enjoys being lonely. i just find that the constant reminders of xxxpda people or people asking me as to WHY i am single as if i should explain as to why i haven't settled for an old flame who has the Holy Bible iPhone app (it explains itself) soul and spirit shattering. it just pains me to have to try and reschedule a get-together with someone that cannot seem to leave their significant other at the door. yes, sometimes it is welcome. but you know what? i became friends with my FRIEND first. not this {insert minor insult here} person who strolled in years later and has become your lap dog. nor should i be judged for having not found myself a chihuahua of a man that you use as a humping mechanism just as much as fido uses them. you know what? i'm a lab girl, thanks. and i shouldn't be judged if i'm still waiting at the pet shop.

horrible metaphor. but yes, ladies and gentleman. this is me being bitter.

i also do not need people cutting me off short in mid sentence or completely ignoring me when i am answering their question that is "when are you free?".

i knew i shouldn't have blogged today...

unfortunately yours,

mtb.

maybe i will...

what i should be doing:

reading girls & boys for lit & com on wednesday because this is the only time i will be able to accomplish it.

what i am actually doing:

fantasizing / ACTUALLY PLANNING MY TRIP TO NEW YORK CITY TO SEE JULIA NUNES.

i txtd kaarlie asking her what she is doing thanksgiving weekend. it appears not only is she free BUT she is a huge jaaaaa fan.

THUS THE PLANNING COMMENCES.

HAVE A GREAT AFTER-NUNES!

:D

pissing the day away.

today kind of royally sucked testies to be perfectly blunt. i went from a disaster of a boonies' bus ride, missing my first class, to vision of art which (no offense to symansky (my nice teacher)) was useless. waiting for a friend to give me the details of a project but never showed, went home, ran into friends who had gotten high&happy without me, took a 2 hour bus ride and travel home. then, having realised that my earring had been consumed alive by my earlobe, had to DIG IT OUT. but regardless...

i can't help but smile because of this video!

Tubthumping, with JAKE and AMIR!

she is just such giggles.

i am actually consideing going to her upcoming show in new york city on october 10th. i could leave on the friday night, spend the long weekend there falling in love with the city i have admired, and then head on home. the only person that i would invite (other than my friend jacqueline who cannot go based off of the fact she is a felon) is kaarlie. whom which i have already discussed going to new york with. how fitting.

cheers to that idea, me staying focused and motivated, and keeping my blogging promise (thus far).

the dreamer,

mtb.

ALSO: I COMPLETELY FORGOT! I WANTED TO DISPLAY MY CHALKBOARD WALL.

yes, i am the dork who wear scene glasses around the house because i can.

my clothes hang like ghosts of the people i've been.

i had an great time at the wedding yesterday.

i spent to majority of my giggles with kristen
(my older sister's highschool best friend/my highschool principal's daughter)

what will be the cover to our future lesbian wedding invitations.

kristen and her napkinbrow.

a creep shot of this woman who was wearing a BETTY BOOP TANK TOP.

i very abruptly and obnoxiously took a picture of this bizarre photographer who would later become the bloody paparazzi when kristen and i had a soul train moment on the dance floor.


the horror that was kristen & i's scrapbook contribution.

HIGHLIGHTS

- i volunteered to sing karaoke with an ex-viceprincipal gone principal of my high school to the song "wish upon a star".

- apparantly i mooned half of the people that day when i bent down to take a picture of a dragonfly. i will never live that one down.

- each table had a disposable camera. at my table, we decided to be... risque. so you found my secondary three french teacher and kristen (my old principal's daughter) in stiches taking a picture of me walking behind an english teacher and my old secondary one math teacher... acting drunk posing with a wine bottle. when they get developed, be sure as day that i will post it.

- the fact that i was given a ride home by my secondary three french teacher and we spent the car ride talking about running over the chainsaw killers that were in the bushes or stabbing them with the envelope openers or the organic vanilla lipbalm we were given at the wedding.

BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS.

the ceremony was beautiful. from the moment my second mom walked in, i was bawling (i can say the same for her now-husband). i realized that they would be my ross & rachel; the people that i would turn to or look to as an example of love and devotion. kind of felt like a bit of a relief and blessing that i had such great people to be able to call my second parents.

enough lovey-dovey stuff.

Today, i felt as if I had given the worst end of the friendship stick to one of my friends. and i did. i have to figure out how to make it up to her. because i can't take it.

on a musical note:

-ZOMGZFRIENDLYFIRESARECOMINGBACKTO

MONTREALDECEMBER3RDONTHENYLONWINTERTOURZOMGZ

- keane is on saturday.

-REGINA SPEKTOR IS ON THURSDAY.

- i am falling in love with death cab for cutie all over again.

go whip out dee sea eff see's ceadees. i know you'll love them.

i have to go and hmwrk it seeing as i spent the day sleeping, eating, and posting wedding pictures.

mtb.

xx

p.s: in relation to my sign off last entry about catching the bouquet, i actually did.

vows and my many layouts.

this is a mystical picture of the outfit (and a cardigan) that i am wearing to my second mom's wedding today. it's going to be a tear jerker.

seeing as she was talking to me about her vows and how it's going to make her husband-to-be (my second dad) cry, i decided to make my own personal vows.

for those who don't know: vow - a solemn pledge

"I vow that i will write on this blog more often and actually complete my ambitions for it. I vow that I will work less and learn to just sit still. I vow that in hopes of improving my yoga techniques for class, I will actually greet the sun at least 4 times a week (not including yoga class). I vow that I will talk to my English teacher (also known as ampersand man) in hopes of continuing my love for english as opposed to having it beat to death by my classmates. I will take more time for my friends and keeping them there. I vow that I will give my family time and chances by shutting my mouth more. I vow I will talk to not ONLY the theatre club about joining but as well as "The Word" school newspaper about writing an article, I vow I will make my soon to be trips to Bangladesh and New York City a reality, my secret aspirations for postcegep years less secret, and still treat myself to concerts (many concerts). I vow to come up with an appropriate tattoo and take Kaarlie as my plus-one. I vow to attempt to make my feelings about my Starbucks better or find another Starbucks that will (MY STARBUCKS DOWNTOWN). I vow that I will look into moving out either to my good friend Brandae's or something more permanent in housing or both. I vow that I will work on my tool box, work on homework, work on my passions, and work on lightening up. I vow to remember that not everything is a war, to remain openminded with the people I love as much as strangers, took keep myself motivated and inspired, and (on a dorkish note), work on chilling with that great Starbucks staff."

Amen.

I'm off to catch a bouquet!

optimisticly yours,
mtb.

p.s: like the new layout? the brightness makes me smile.

lie-braries are holded.

selesse (jill love) says:
OK, so any time I am saying hi or bye to a guy friend, I am puzzled and confused.
What's about to happen? Normal, regular handshake? Slap and pound? Props?
Some guys have REALLY weird ones. They start off normal and then they even hug you or something, I don't know.
(Relevance is about to enter)
So for the past few years I've been concerned with this.
I usually just do things in groups, and wait for another male to say bye to the male before me so I can get the insider scoop on what this person does.
And I've been coming up with this fool-proof system.
If you go for props, people can see it coming so they know they're only gonna get props in return.
I tried it today. IT FAILED.
I went for props, he went for handshake, I switched to handshake, he switched back to props.
I hate handshakes.

msn messenger, ladies and gentleman.

love letter.

to the schedule my boss made me, to the fact that i live in st-catherine, to having to wake up at 4 a.m, to not having enough time, to having things still feel like high school, to having dead weights as film partners, to having people pull away when i have them feel my heart beat, to the decaf grande hard foam latte bitch, to the douchebag in class who when asked to give character analysis responded with "f*$#ing f*#$ot", to my ipod that is on the fritz, to my mother who makes me feel guilty for asking for an early ride home from work after she spent the weekend at super aqua club, apple picking, and tanning, to people enhaling macodamien nut cookies while they should be brooming, to not being able to spell macadamian, to the tuesday moms on the bus who decide to talk at FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING, to my "friends" getting mad at me for not making time when they can't even make the call, to not being able to see my friends without their plus one, to being hated for not having a plus one, to being your gossip column, to the ed hardys, aas, and eff you sea kay-ers of the world:

merry christmas.

p-oed and frustratingly no one's,

mtb.

blog control.

so i am cleaning my room and decided that i should also do some blog organization. there have been some blog post ideas that i have been fluttering in and out of my attic and i decided i would at least put one of those to rest.

before i do that, though. here is the post (or at least the image) from the post that i was supposed to put up last night but due to debility, lack of patience, and other factors, i shut down kanye (my laptop) before i could actually have it published. just another one of those epic fails life enjoys watching you go through.

AS I DIGRESS AND GO BACK TO POSTING THE PICTURE.

now for the actual post.

....

mtb.